Development not as Deficit

Over the past few months, as we've been sharing more about Ebb & Haven, I've found myself both fascinated and, honestly, a little concerned by the conversations that have followed. 

I had three separate conversations with women who have told me they would love to attend a leadership retreat, but that asking their organisation to sponsor them felt too risky. 

"My manager would wonder what's wrong.” “Why do I need development?” “Should they be worried?" One told me she feared it would surface later, in a performance review. 

Another, put it more plainly. “I would never ask my organisation to support my wellbeing. It just wouldn't be seen the right way. Like I'm not coping." 

So many women describe a version of the same story. Not quite there yet. Not developed enough, evolved enough, balanced enough.  

I've started wondering when exactly we think we arrive. 

We've also had organisations question sponsorship because the experience looked "too much like wellbeing" and “not enough like learning and development”. That response has stayed with me.  

Not because of what it says about any one organisation, but because of what it reveals about the stories we carry about growth and what investing in wellbeing looks like.  

Somewhere along the way, many of us learned that development is for people who need fixing.  

That reflection is a luxury. That wellbeing sits in a different budget line to performance.  

That asking for support is a crack in the armour.  

And, that strong leaders should already know what they're doing – always.  

Yet the leaders I most admire live inside a different story. They seek feedback. They invest in self-awareness. They protect space to think. They understand that leadership capability isn't built through technical expertise and experience alone. It is built through reflection, perspective, emotional agility, deeper self-knowledge, and the capacity to navigate complexity with others. 

None of that is remediation or evidence that someone is failing. 

I wonder if choosing development may be one of the strongest signals a leader can send. Not that they are struggling, more that they are serious about sustained effectiveness. 

Complexity asks for adaptability, self-regulation, systems awareness, relational intelligence, courage, and the willingness to keep learning. Those capacities rarely emerge from moving faster. They emerge when we make the space.  

So perhaps the question is not “Why do you need development?" Perhaps it is "How could anyone expect to lead and thrive in complexity without it?" 

Have we built workplaces where asking for development, reflection or space to take care of our wellbeing is read as weakness rather than wisdom? I'd genuinely like to know what you think and where there are counterexamples.